Are babies afraid of the dark?
Are babies afraid of the dark?
What do you think?
The short and simple answer is no. Until the age of 2 (really anywhere from 19 months to 2 years), babies do not have the cognitive ability to imagine the way a toddler or an older child does, aka they are not developmentally capable of having a fear of the dark. Babies under the age of 2 also cannot distinguish fantasy vs. reality so they have no concept of what fears or scary thoughts are.
It would be totally understandable why one would assume that a baby would be afraid of the dark at bedtime. It makes total sense when you picture it: You do your bedtime routine, give your baby a kiss goodnight, lay her down, leave the room and close the door - and now she is crying. Anyone would assume that they are crying because they are afraid of the dark, especially if they are feeling well, well fed, ready for bed, etc…What else could it be?
Let me explain…
There are a lot of things your child needs in order to be genuinely afraid of the dark, to be able to imagine scary things and conjure up stories. They need growing thinking skills, verbal understanding and interaction, the ability to visualize things that they’ve been told and the ability to distinguish fantasy vs. reality. Without these things, it’s near to impossible for them to actually have real fears. Once your child has matured enough and has these components, he can then truly experience a real fear of the dark.
How can you explain the crying at bedtime?
Great question! If your little one is suddenly crying at bedtime or in the middle of the night, consider that your baby who is under the age of 2 years old, may be experiencing separation anxiety. Of course there could be other reasons why babies cry at bedtime, for example sickness, teething, hunger or a sleep dependency, but given that you’ve ruled all of that out, separation anxiety is an extremely common and plausible explanation for sudden bouts of crying.
Separation anxiety is a much more likely cause of crying at bedtime than fear of the dark, and it can creep up anytime after 6 months of age, sometimes younger. It’s normal for babies to have bouts of separation anxiety around 6 and 12 months old. In short, a lot of it has to do with the fact that they have now developed object permanence; the understanding that when mom or dad leaves the room he/she is missing and even worse, may not come back in. Whereas younger babies have no concept of things that go missing or suddenly disappear; they don’t know to look for an item that is hiding behind your back or for someone who leaves the room. But once they are able to look for a missing object or person, there can be a lot of crying (during the day as well, not just at bedtime), as your baby senses that something is no longer there - hence the term separation anxiety.
So come bedtime when parents say goodnight to baby and leave the room, baby now knows that his parents have left and he is looking for them - he isn’t sure where they went or when they’ll be back and this can be a scary transition for babies who are just learning that their parents can come and go.
So hopefully now you have a better understanding of why babies under a certain age are likely experiencing something other than fear of the dark when consistently crying at bedtime.
If your little one is indeed suffering from separation anxiety, here are a few simple tips to help overcome it and make bedtime a lot smoother.
How do I help my baby overcome separation anxiety at bedtime?
Spend a few extra minutes at bedtime snuggling your little one. Sing an extra song, give him/her extra hugs and kisses and explain that you will be putting them down and leaving the room. Tell your baby that he/she is safe even if you don’t think they understand you.
When you put your baby down to bed, rub his back for a minute or two. But not for long enough that you put your child to sleep where he comes to depend on this every night in order to fall sleep.
Practice coming and going during the day and showing them that you always return. Encourage independent play so they are not totally dependent on you being next to them the entire day. This will help them get through their separation anxiety a lot quicker if they are used to being on their own from time to time.
Give your child a crib-safe security item to help them feel safe and comfortable in their crib. This often helps relieve those bouts of separation anxiety and can help tremendously in calming your little one at bedtime and when you leave the room. For babies a year and up, you can give them a security blanket or stuffed animal to help them feel safe in their crib.
If your baby is experiencing really intense separation anxiety, it helps to come back in once or twice after you’ve tucked them in and said good night to check on your child and let them know you’re still here. This can relieve a lot of worry for your little one especially for older babies who are still too young to experience real fears.
Once they’ve woken up for the day, spend extra time in the morning cuddling your child telling her how much you missed her and do this sporadically throughout the day to remind her that you’re there close by. These extra few moments with your child will go a long way at bedtime!
Patience! This phase will pass. For some it passes sooner than for others and it’s not a phase that lasts forever, so breathe a sigh of relief. You will all get through it.
Goodbye for now and stay tuned for my next post where we discuss real fears in toddlers and children and how to overcome them at bedtime.